Understanding Our Relationship with Food - When Does It Become Unhealthy?
Updated: 5 hours ago
Working with eating distress and people's relationship with food is one of my main areas of interest as a therapist, and one of the most common reasons clients come to see me. Over the years, I’ve worked with people who restrict their eating, binge eat, purge, struggle with body image, or simply feel trapped in an ongoing battle with food and their body. This work has led me to become increasingly curious about the relationship we all have with food and at what point can in become unhealthy.
Eating Disorder Awareness
Statistics show that 1.25 million people in the UK live with an eating disorder (Beat, 2024) and that they have the highest mortality rate of any mental health condition. This is argued to be the case due to the physical health implications as well as the suicide rates of people living with Anorexia Nervosa (NICE, 2024).
Some time ago, after graduating from University with a Psychology degree, I landed my first support worker role in a local NHS Eating Disorder service and had little understanding about the realities of what it’s like for somebody living with eating and body distress. I later left the NHS to work for the voluntary sector and in my final role before becoming a full time Psychotherapist, managed an Eating Disorder charity. Throughout this time, I have not only gained experience about eating distress in all it's aspects, but also a deeper understanding into humans relationship with food - including my own!
The Power of Early Messages
As a little girl growing up in the 80’s, I frequently received messages from my family (and society) that ‘being fat was bad’ and ‘being skinny is good’ and believed this was true for many years. The idea that some foods are ‘bad’ and ‘good’ were also principles I adhered to for a long time. I was referred to as a ‘plump child’ and throughout my life, my weight has fluctuated. A few years back I was sorting through some old boxes from my parents loft and came across a story my 7 year old self had written, it read - “when I grow up I want to be thin” - wow!...how incredibly sad that my younger self’s ambition was to be thin. I have no conscious memory of thinking this as a child.
Now, a grown woman in my late-forties, I can reflect back on how this early decision has impacted on my perception of my body and the internal battles I have experienced around my weight, and what it has meant to me to be the body shape and size I have been and currently am.
Body Shape & Size Doesn’t Matter - Right?
I would hazard a guess that most people reading this blog will agree with the title of this paragraph yet wonder how many of you deep down have opposing beliefs. How many of you hold deep routed opinions that it’s not OK to be the body shape and size you are or have been? How many of you unconsciously believe that being ‘overweight’ equates to ‘being bad’ or ‘unlovable’? How many of you think that woman who are a size 8 have the ‘perfect body’ and men with a six pack are more attractive than those with a ‘beer belly’? I’m not suggesting that we necessarily think these things on a conscious level, rather propose that these biases are engrained within our psyche - I can say that they are held in mine and I battle with them often.
Understanding When a Healthy Relationship With Food Becomes Unhealthy
As a therapist, I work with clients relationally and developmentally. Meaning I consider how early and current experiences and relationships have formed us into the human we are today.
All humans have a relationship with food which has been moulded by our early experiences and messages (verbal and non-verbal) from our social and family environment. When it comes to understanding a healthy relationship with food, it’s important to recognise that our relationship with food is rarely just about food itself.
All humans have a relationship with food which has been moulded by our early experiences and messages (verbal and non-verbal) from our social and family environment. And because we need food to survive, it can be much harder to overcome when we are struggling with this relationship because we can’t cut it out of our lives or we’d die!
In my experience, people don't fit neatly into an ‘Eating Disorder diagnosis’. Furthermore, it's not my job (or desire) to diagnose or pathologize so when I am working with clients who are struggling with their relationship with food, I focus on the individual and what this relationship means to them and the impact it has on their life. In everybody I work with, what’s typically beneath this difficult relationship is self-hatred, low self-esteem, worth and confidence, irrelevant to if the person is restricting, over eating and/or purging.
I argue that all humans at some point in their life will use food as a way of managing their emotions, e.g., “work has been stressful, I deserve a takeaway” or “I hate my body in a bikini, I need to lose weight before my holiday so I feel better”. I believe coping strategies like these are on a continuum, with an interplay of psychological, social and physical factors all contributing to where you sit on this at any given time. For some, this becomes a familiar way to cope with trauma, stress or un-met needs and leads them to believe they have a sense of control. Unfortunately, this is when somebody might find themselves struggling and ironically their relationship with food is actually controlling them.
What Can You Do To Help?
Overcoming an unhealthy relationship with food is hard and takes time and support from the relevant services. Unfortunately in the UK, specialist support services are stretched and can be difficult to access for a number of reasons.
It’s very likely that you will know somebody (knowingly or unknowingly) affected and you can make a small difference by educating yourself and learning how to spot the signs. The UK charity, Beat, provide comprehensive resources which are easily accessible on their website and may be able to direct you to local support in your area - I recommend that you check them out! It’s also worth researching what support is available in your area.
I also invite readers to reflect on their own biases around food, body shape and size and to be mindful about the impact these might have on your own wellbeing, society and our future generations.
References & Further Reading
Beat, (2024). Eating Disorders Awareness Week. URL: https://edaw.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
NICE, (2024). Eating Disorder, How common is it? London, National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence.
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